Rant[Feel free to ignore, and not done:)]

[»Bue||]

Alright, yes I'm posting a rant on the site... why? Because I'm about ready to explode with all sorts of negative emotions, and I do not have word on my computer. Plus, the fact that others are able to see how I feel is just a bit more comforting for me. So, here we go.

I wake up at 6:15 am every morning, my aging dog, whom means the world to me, by my side, and a screaming alarm clock beside my head, buzzing and chirping until I can get my lazy butt out of bed to turn it off. I don't have my contacts in at the time, so I struggle to find the button, but eventually it shuts up, and my hearing is spared. I pick my dog up out of bed, drag her down the hallway, and let her outside, before grabbing some clothes, tossing them into the bathroom, starting the bath water since we can't afford to put in a shower, then I tiredly drag myself down the hall to the kitchen. I make a fresh pot of coffee for my mother an I, feed the pets, fetch the newspaper, take care of the dishes, and turn the television on to GMA to avoid being yelled at by my mother. I then take a quick, tiring bath, then get up, to eat a stale bowl of cereal, grab a cup of coffee, then run into my room to take an hour to straighten my hair, suffering a few burns here and there throughout the process. Once that's done, I swallow back my own disgust, and apply one thing I absolutely can NOT stand to wear; makeup. Foundation to hide my ugly acne and freckles, eyeshadow to drag attention away from my pointy chin and up to my eyes, eyeliner and mascara to help, and then into the bathroom to brush my teeth, etc. After that, its back out to the kitchen, where a warm glass of fluoride-infested water, and six different kinds of pills await me. This is something that bothers me to the extreme. I can't be me, I can't be a normal kid without having to take twelve different pills a day. I also get sick ALL THE TIME, so this often adds to the list of pills I choke down in the morning. After a soar throat has developed, and my face is wrinkled from cringing, I wallow back down the hall to my bedroom, to squeeze into some showy top and skinny jeans just so I don't get called disgusting at school. I check my makeup in the mirror, play with my hair, then douse my entire body with mild-smelling perfume. I kiss my dog good bye, get yelled at from my mom for a new reason every morning, then take my bag out the door to walk to school; rain or shine. I arrive five minutes later, barging through the front doors past crowds of people who are dumb enough to gather around the front doors, lug my backpack through the commons, past MORE crowds of fags(excuse the language) whom I hate with all my heart. I watch as all the people that used to be my friends(the popular girls), socialize in a casual circle, laughing, and joking, talking about all the exciting events that took place that weekend, while I sit there and listen, struggling to open my constantly jammed locker. What did I do the weekend? Oh, nothing. I just sat at home on the computer, talking to friends that I'll never meet in my entire life time(not that I don't love you guys to death, which I do). Did I receive any text messages? No. Did I get any phone calls? No. What!? Not even comments on face book? NO GOD DAMN IT.

So then I mope around the commons, following Alicia(my drug and sex addicted friend) and Nevada(the one who's a complete jock and the smartest person you'll ever meet. We're a weird combo, I know) around, thinking about how fucked up my life is... and how I'll never be happy during my school years. I check the clock every five minutes, waiting for an excuse to get away from all these snotty bitches. When, my boyfriend, Richard shows up. I go over, give him a hug, and smell him. He's been smoking. He tells me he's really tired and has a headache. He got drunk. I shake my head, and he puts his arm around me awkwardly. I cringe. "I'm alright. Besides, you drink too, what's the big deal?" 'I don't get drunk off my ass every school night.' I'd think silently to myself. Then I stand there by him, conversing, all the while, still deep in thought. At last the bell will ring, and all my friends will ignore it. I'll tell Richard I've got late work I need to finish, so I'll grab my stuff and scurry off. I arrive in Literature... only to see that I even beat the damned teacher in there. I grab my books, then sit down, open up my note book, and slowly doodle over the paper, my mind racing, thoughts thick and heavy, while my heart feels like a weight. My throat clenches up, and my facial muscles tighten, I choke back the tears. I want to be normal, I want to be happy, and have friends for once in my life! But I can't have it. So I go on thinking about something else, the thoughts still lingering, and soon, other students begin to arrive.

The bell rings, and we're told to open the page we last left off on. I'm the only one paying attention, and I can feel it. The rest of them all talk with each other, their backs turned from the teacher, giggling, while I watch Mrs. Kucera's every move, listening, absorbing, learning. When she asks a question, I raise my hand. She always smiles at me because I'm so much more mature than my classmates. I read college novels, I know big words, I know medical terms, and most of the stuff she's teaching us... I already know. My class mates all glare at me, because they're all stupid, pathetic, and don't know or listen to anything she's talking about. But I do, and I get 108% in that class all the time, but still... I'm not appreciated, I'm looked down upon.

Next, we have Math class. I scurry through the halls, getting ran over and bumped into on several occasions, then I dart to my locker, only to find that I'm too late, and I have to wait five hours for people to move out of the god damned way, then I grab my books and binder, and race down the hall again. I arrive in class as one of the last, everyone is talking, while Mr. Fangmeyer stands at the front of the room, looming over his podium. I glance at the board to the left of me, where our Bell ringer is located. I can answer it with ease, while my class mates ignore its existence. Three minutes after the bell rings, Mr. Fangmeyer silences the class, and we begin to discuss the bell ringer. I sit quietly in the back of the class, still stumbling over my depressing thoughts. I manage to not get called upon the whole period, all the while I behave like a good little girl, and get all the answers right on my paper. The bell rings, and we all race out the door.

I beat the other girls to my locker, and grab my science gear. At third period a month ago, I would have been in Civics, but my life became so depressing, and the girls in that class became so over-whelming I was forced to move several classes around. I got lucky with this one, Alicia and Nevada were both in this class. So I waltz into the room behind them, and plaster on a fake smile. I throw out a couple of funny phrases, or struggle to, at least, and pretend to be someone I never want to be. Paige, one of the girls I loath, laughs at my perverted jokes, and all of what not, acting nice.. but I know she doesn't like me. Me and her, we used to be like sisters. We spent damn near every night at either her house, or my house. Every day in the summer we'd slip on our flip flops, grab and red bull and some funions, walk down to the pool, and chill all day long. But then something happened.... now all I get from her are dirty looks. I don't know what happened, though, and that hurts even more. She left me... and I don't know why. So anyway, all through science, I manage to pretend like I don't give a shit, and earn a tiny bit of attention, all while still listening to Ms. Pinkall, and acing my favorite subject. After a long period though, it's finally over, and I can leave.

To be continued....